Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
