You're so nebulous sometimes
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
