Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
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