May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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