Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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