Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
