By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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