This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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