When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
