We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
