You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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