I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Randomize
