cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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