She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
