I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
