I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
