Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
