it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
