apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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