Whats the glycemic index on semen?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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