cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
