Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
