It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
FUCK WHALES
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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