Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I think my moral compass just broke
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
