oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
a search helicopter?!
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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