Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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