After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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