Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
