umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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