I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
