I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
