I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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