Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
