I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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