I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
