Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
