Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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