I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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