I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
