the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
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