There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
