What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
