just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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