you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
ok first of all what the fuck
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
