U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
