The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
