Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
