Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
