Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
