Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
