I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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