You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
