If i come over, it means nothing
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
